NEW BLOG

Hi everyone!

I got a new blog.

It's newer and cooler than this one. So you're welcome to check it out if you'd like.

http://www.sincerelyjessicaerin.blogspot.com

Love,
Jess

Embarrassing moment of the day:

Once (today) I accidentally walked into the boys bathroom.

You see, I was focused on a test I was about take, so I just walked right in. I was about to go into a stall when I realized, "why are there only two stalls in here? I swear I remembered there being at least 5..." and then I spotted them. The urinals. So, as the cool, calm, and collected person that I am (or maybe it was the fact that I'm pretty experienced in the embarrassing moments department), all I did was have a baby freak out inside. Then I calmly walked out and to the building next door so I could do my business elsewhere.

So now I'm just sitting in the building next door, thanking my lucky stars that no one was in there, trying to get the courage to go back into the previous building so I could take my test, and blogging about it.

That was my day today. Hope that yours was better... But it probably wasn't as entertaining as mine.

XOXO,
Jess

Insta-Listin

If you're an instagrammer, you'll know that the latest intratrend is the "5 things that most people don't know about me post". Yes, I've been tagged. Haven't done it yet because.... There's a reason people don't know those things about me. But for a limited time only, I'll disclose this super secret info to my blogging fans only. Welcome to the very exclusive club that knows these things about me. Also, judge free zone here, k? Thanks. Enjoy.

Side note: 5 is not nearly enough. Small lists aren't really my thing.

1. When I'm bored, I like to clean my change and sort face cards... judge me if you will. But there's a 99.9% chance that the change I just gave you has been sufficiently sanitized. So you're welcome.

2. My dream job is to become a secret agent/spy. Seriously. I genuinely daydream about it at least once a day.

3. I'm a closet poet. And I've had several of my poems published in books. I don't tell anyone because I'm suuuper self-conscious of what I write. Which is also why only a few people know about my blog. Count yourself as one of the lucky ones if you've been blessed with this URL.

4. There are very few Taylor Swift songs that don't make me want to tear the radio out... But I pretend to like her because my sister loves her... sorry Steph. Truth comes out, I guess.

5. I'm outrageously paranoid. I always have my pocket knife and pepper spray with me... just in case.

6. I have a secret obsession with cats. Like it's a genuine obsession. If I'm upset, show me a picture of a cat and I'll automatically be overflowing with joy. Also, I'd really love to have a lot of cats. Except I don't think that the amount of cats I want is really an acceptable amount. Especially because I don't want to be known as the crazy cat lady. Which is why I keep that cat obsession secret. If it was up to me, I'd have at least 4, but I think that I'll limit myself to just 2... Simba and Marie. Yes I already have them named. So what?

7. If you haven't already guessed from my future kitty names.... I'm OBSESSED with anything Disney. Literally anything. Also, I have the entire Disney park memorized. From rides to restaurants to bathrooms. I even know where every smoking area is. Mostly because I like to avoid those places, but also because I've walked all around the park at least a million times. Not an exaggeration.

8. I'm far more competitive than your average person. Beat me at ticket to ride, and I genuinely have to calm myself down, or else I might yell at you. Or not talk to you for the next hour. Depending on how bad you beat me and/or if you tried to rub your victory in my face. It upsets me soooo badly.  

9. I didn't actually know that I loved to cheer until the day I tried out for BYU. Before then, it was just kind of a thing I did with my friends. You would think that after 6 years of it, I would have figured that out. But now I have a genuine passion for it. Cheerleading is my sport. And I'm in love with it.

10. I'd like to consider myself a cheerful person. Except if you wake me up in the middle of my REM sleep. If so, you better hope I can't get out of bed faster than you can leave the room because, like we learned from #5, I most likely have a pocket knife nearby...

11. 50% of all of my first kisses have been in cars... Classy, I know. Closet tramp, I guess...

12. I secretly have a crush on every boy who has ever told me that they're in love with my laugh. Why? Because it's a hard thing to love. Plus I do it all of the time, so my future husbands gotta love it or he might wanna claw his eyes out within the first year of our marriage.

13. Sometimes[/most of the time] I crave ice cream and alone time. So I used to go out ALL of the time and buy myself an ice cream, park my car in the middle of nowhere, and eat it all by myself ... [double confession, I hate making decisions and sometimes two flavors looked soo good... so I would just buy them both.... and eat them both #fatkidprobs]

14. Despite my awful eating habits, I think I have the hottest bod from the belly button up. And I hate that I just confessed that. But also, I'm outrageously self-conscious of my legs.

15. The only place that I would ever consider getting plastic surgery on my body would be my ears. They stick out. Real bad. And I hate them.

16. I used to be the prodigy child of the century. When I was 2, I potty trained myself. When I was three, I surprised my mom by telling her that she was reading the book wrong, and then proceeded to read the book to her... surprise! I can read. Also when I was three, I bore an adult testimony in sacrament meeting by myself. No generic "I-know-this-church-is-true" "I-love-my-mom-and-dad" testimonies for me. I had thought through actual realistic options for college and my future by age 7. I loved the dentist as a kid because I knew that it was important for my dental health. Same with the doctor. Shots never bothered me. Throughout elementary I had multiple teachers compliment me, my writing, or my projects by saying "Wow! This is very mature, Jessica! Good Work!" The first chapter book I ever read was when I was The Secret Garden. I read it in 1st grade. Some call it a gift. I call it maturing faster than a weed. I don't regret it, but I also don't love to admit my baby genius-ness. It's weird.

17. I've yet to have a teacher that doesn't love me. Say what you will. Suck up, brown-noser, teacher's pet... but I like to say I just have an outrageous amount of charisma.

18. I hated the nickname baby for the first three years that people called me it. Now I don't mind it. But if you're a genuine best friend of mine, you'll use Jess or at least baby Jess... Or call me Jess 50% of the time.

19. Once I decided it was a good idea to make myself a hate journal so I could write out my feelings of hatred toward other people. And 9 years later... There's only like two paragraphs in the thing. I physically can't be mad at someone for longer than 24 hours. It's hard.

I'm bored for now... but maybe I'll bless you with more reasons why you shouldn't be my friend later... You're welcome for embarrassing myself...

Love, Jess

Let it Snow

If you look reeeeally closely, you'll realize that it's snowing on my blog.

If you look reeeeally closely, you'll realize that it's not snowing in real life.

It's halfway through December, people. Can't a girl get a little snow up in here? That's all I ask. Please and thank you, mother nature.

What's Right For You

I went for a run today.

Now, normally I wouldn't be broadcasting such a thing. And if I did, it would be to poke fun at our little gym-rat social media friends, [you all know who they are. And they want you to know that they're #gettingswoll] But that is not the reason that I brought it up. [Although I am completely yoked sooo....] 

Anyway, I brought it up because running makes me think. Somehow all of my wild ideas and epiphanies come to me whilst breathing heavy and sweating in the frigid cold. 

So I decided to share just a few snippets of the knowledge I gained today. 

1. Never wear yoga pants while running in below freezing weather. Excuse my unlady-like language, but my bum has never been colder in my entire life. 

2. The world is truly a beautiful place. A breathtakingly beautiful creation from God, and one of our greatest blessings. 

3. Lauren Halliday. Now before you get confused why a name and not a mantra is my number three, let me explain. 

Lauren Halliday has always been one of my good friends. In fact, she was one of my best friends in high school. The reason why she came to mind today was because her farewell is tomorrow! This beautiful sister is serving in Orlando, Florida. I am so excited for her. Anyway, Lauren has always been a wonderful girl. But, in my best-friend-opinion, I don't believe that she had found "herself" until recently. And I think that she may agree. Lauren was always one of those girls who would follow the crowd in high school. Not to the point that she would do bad things; she was always willing to stand up for herself in that way. I just think that she didn't know what she really wanted. And so she would try to follow what others wanted in order to maybe find what she wanted along the way. 

Well Lauren was on the cheer team with me in high school. Flashback to my pre-existence/high school days and you'll see that I was never the "best friend" type. I was definitely friends with everyone on our team, but I didn't really have one that I could call up at anytime and we would go shopping together, or whatever best friends do. As I slowly got more comfortable with the team, I started forming stronger friendships. For sure my strongest friendship was with Lauren. And that's when she became my best friend. And that's also about the time that I got very comfortable with having a best friend on my team. But, as all stories are, this one didn't end up how I would have liked it to at the time. 

Long story short, she ended up quitting halfway through our senior year. I haven't really been able to admit this until now, but let me tell you, I was ticked. I wasn't upset with her, but more her decision. I could not believe that she had left me best friendless and really, kind of lonely. Okay, not that extreme, but I was a little peeved and confused. And it was this time that she really stopped having a lot of friends. She didn't run in the same social circles that she had before, and so she was cut out from many things that made up her life for so many years before. To be honest, I wasn't the best friend to her at this time. I didn't shun her or anything, but our friendship wasn't as easy and convenient as it used to be. We still talked and hung out, but not nearly as much as we did before. Plus, like I said, I was a little peeved at her. I was best friendless again (an unbelievably familiar thing for me at this point, but we won't get into my past now). Now, I'd like to tell you that it ruined my year so that I could say I was mad for a reason, but life went on. Things worked out. 

But here's where my thought process led me today. Lauren Halliday has her life figured out. She knows what she wants to do with her life and where she wants to be. Most importantly, she has figured out who she is. I completely admire her for that. But it took making a tricky decision to get her where she needed to be. Looking back, I completely admire her for the decision she made. In the past I was upset because her decision was not what decision I would have made; or, quite frankly, it wasn't a decision that would have been best for me. But, even though this decision was extremely hard for her, she knew that she had to do it. She knew that it was the right decision for her. And to take a beating just because you have faith in what Heavenly Father's plan is for you is completely admirable to me. And look where she ended up now. She has everything going for her, and I am SO excited for those people of Florida to be able to be blessed by her presence. 

My point is, sometimes what is best for others, isn't always best for you. And what is best for you isn't always what is best for others. You're life isn't for another person to live. Your life is your own and has unique plans and goals and paths that may be a lonesome road. But if you have a little faith, you'll know that it's the right one for you. You may not know how or why, but I promise you, God has a plan for you. He loves you. You are his child. And if you trust in him, he will guide you to eternal happiness. 

Promises

Once I promised you some pictures from my childhood. That was actually a long time ago. But better late than never, right?

So here you go. Baby Jess. Literally baby Jess. Not just the nickname.

Enjoy.

Suuper hot Arabian dancer. Dang girl.

Wittwe baby dancer. Actually I think I just had a tutu on for fun... no dancing involved

Joe. With the best big sister ever [me]

So many things to be said about this picture... Barbie cake= Best thing ever. My dad's star shirt? even cooler. But I'm pretty sure his socks and sandals takes the cake. [but not the Barbie cake. Mini me has that handled]

I'm a B.I.P in my family. That's what I'm singing right there, I'm sure of it.
[for those of us who haven't been graced by that lovely song B.I.P.= bery important person. duh]
P.S. JELLIES. best. shoes. ever. 

I'm pretty sure that at least half of my childhood was spent camping. 

Yes. I do still look like this in the mornings... Merry Christmas?

Just me and my daddy.

So. Attractive. I'm so glad my mom always did my hair sooo cute!

My best friend. And socks and jellies.

Favorite holiday.

The reason why we're best friends...

The reason why I'm so cool...

Just some knee stunting with my uncle... proof that I'm a natural. And sorry for the shirt.... Go cougars...

Proof that someone told me I grew a lot once...

proof that the only fun horse is a wooden one.

Or a My Little Pony one. 

Gettin down and dirty. 

I'm licenced.

Stephanie liked to do my makeup...

So stylish.

I rocked the middle part before it was cool. 

Just a lamb. With my best friend who was the shepherd. Originally I was the angel, but Jenny Cartwright cried so I got this cute outfit instead.

Speechless. 

 That's all for now because it's my bedtime.

Goodnight!

Upcoming Author

Guys. I'm writing a book. Really, there's nothing that qualifies me to actually write this book, but I'm doing it regardless.

And as my avid blog followers, you guys get the privilege of the very first sneak peak ever of this soon to be New York Times Best-Seller. 

Here it goes.

Dating 101

Relationship Advice from a Girl Who Almost, Kind of, Sort of had a Boyfriend Once

By: Yours Truly

Preface:

Hey. I'm Jess. Now I know what you're thinking. First, you're probably thinking, "What on Earth possessed me to pick up this book?" Next, I'm pretty sure you're wondering why this 19 year-old chick from Happy Valley Utah is qualified to write a dating book. And for that matter, you might be also wondering (if you actually took the time to read the abnormally long subtitle) what's wrong with her? Why has she only had one "almost, kind of, sort of" boyfriend? And what does that even mean? 

We'll stop there with the questions. Because I could go on. But let me at least answer those in hopes that in doing so, I convince you to keep reading. 

What on Earth possessed you to pick this lovely book up? 

Well. I'd like to say that it's because this book is genuinely and unbelievably awesome. But in reality, it's most likely because the cover looks pretty cool. Let's face it. We all judge our books by their covers. Or if you are possibly not as superficial as the rest of us, it might be because you really need help in the dating world. In which case, I'm here for you. 

Why am I qualified to write this book? 

Easy. I believe Li'l Wayne said it best when he said, "They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why they mistake me." Which really makes no sense. Mistake you for what, Li'l Wayne? Clearly, he did not think that one through. Or the rest of his thought just didn't flow with the rest of his rap. Or he meant miss take rather than mistake. Common misconception.  But the point I'm trying to get across here is that we all learn from our mistakes and experiences. And I bet you a dollar I've had more relationship mistakes/experiences than you ever have. Actually I take back that bet. But I still have had a lot. A lot and a lot of bad dating experiences. And generally I like to learn from my mistakes. For the most part. Even if I haven't learned from all of my mistakes, hopefully you can learn a thing or two from them. 

What's wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing. At least that's what my mommy tells me. 

Why have I only had one sort of boyfriend?

It's a part of my chemical make up. Just a little bit of bad relationship luck, a dash of innocence, and a whole lot of stupid. 

What does that even mean? 

If you really want to know, please read further into the text and you'll find your answer there. 

So there you have it. If those aren't the best reasons ever to continue reading, I just don't know what would be. Thank you for your time. 

Chapter One: 

Let me tell you something that's taken me a long time to admit. I've got issues. I honestly couldn't count the problems that I have on three hands. However, from an outsiders stand point, I look like I should live a fairly healthy life. As a matter of fact, I've kind of got everything going for me. I've got two great relationship examples in my life: my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. Both in love and happy as can be. I go on more dates than the average college student. Most of them being blind, but they still count. Sort of. Not to mention the fact that I'm outrageously attractive and irresistibly witty. As well as a tad sarcastic. But that's besides the point. In high school, my friends would always tease me about how I was the most likely to be married within a year of graduation. And now look where I am. 

Well. I've analyzed this again and again. And again. I mean, I've got brothers! And a dog that's a boy. Shouldn't I be already kind of prepared for what the male species is going to throw at me? Well. That's where it gets tricky. Relationship advice #1: Boys you date aren't really like your dogs. And they most certainly aren't anything like your brothers. (And thank goodness for that)....

To be continued. Maybe. But probably not. Just giving you a little sneak peak, I can't give up the whole book! 

Anyway. Like what you see? You can preorder copies below in the comments section. Your hardback copies should be arriving in January of 2042. 

[Disclaimer: no book is actually being written.]

xoxo,

Jess

Goodbyes

Goodbyes.

They really stink. Personally, I think that goodbyes are just about the worst thing in the world to have to do.

Lately, I've said a lot of goodbyes. For proof, let's just take down some stats here. In the past year these are the hard goodbyes that I've said:

Total count of best friend missionary goodbyes: (14).

Total count of best friend missionary future goodbyes: (1).

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that are off to college: (19)

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that I met at college and are no longer at college with me: (10)

(Those last two were more of an estimate just FYI).

Total count of old live(s) that I've said goodbye to: (1)

Total count of times I've said "Love you, bye!": (uncountable)

But I can say that the hardest goodbye came unexpectedly. Morgan Meservy.

Morgan Meservy became my friend about six months ago when he came home from his mission. He's one of my very best friends cousins, and so that's how we met. He started hanging out with my crew, and so we became very good friends. He's the funniest kid. I adore that guy. We used to always joke around that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just for the sake of saying it. I remember hearing him yell my name and "girlfriend" or "GF" right after every time I saw him around campus or anywhere else, really. The thing that's different about Morgan from the rest of my friends was that he's a returned missionary. And let me tell you, it shows. It's not like he didn't mess around or even act immature with the rest of us, but he did have a different kind of maturity about him. You can definitely tell that he has the gospel in his life.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I've gotten really used to goodbyes in the past year. Missionary goodbyes especially. And because Morgan already served, I got very used to the idea of him in my life after all the missionaries are off to different parts of the world. I pictured us being buddies: tag-teamin' it up in college. Not only because he was staying around, but because he makes the best buddy. He is everything and more of what you could want in a friend. But my plans just changed a little.

Unexpected goodbyes are the worst kind. The kind that happen before you even have the chance to say goodbye are the kind that really make my heart hurt. The kind that throw you off that plan you had. Those are the worst kind of goodbyes that there are out there.

That's why Morgan's goodbye was so hard. He passed away two days ago in a scooter accident. I didn't get to say goodbye face to face to that wonderful man because it was so quick. And just like that, that unsaid goodbye became my hardest one all year.

But there is one beautiful thing about goodbyes: They don't last forever. A goodbye is always temporary. It can last as long as two years until you say hello again to that freshly returned missionary. It can last for a lot of years, until you are able to say hello again to your deceased friends and family in heaven.

I believe that the best part about goodbyes is the fact that the hello is so much sweeter once you've said goodbye. That hello is one of the best feelings ever. And that is why I'm so grateful for my gospel. The fact that I have the knowledge that I will see Morgan again someday makes it okay. It doesn't mean that I'm not sad; I still have a while until I'll be able to see him again, and that's a hard thing. But I will be able to see him again. And that makes the hard part just a little easier.

To Morgan:
Thank you. I love you. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Jess, the GF.

I grew up

School pictures. Probably the worst things ever. But I feel like it's a decent representation of how I grew up. And I just found mine and laughed at them for hours. So here it goes.. Jessica Walker: K-11 (because I couldn't find my senior year pictures...) Feel free to make fun. I'm aware of my awkwardness. 

kindergarten. the headband and hideous shirt.. way too classic.

1st. Wearing my favorite jumper, and I'm pretty sure that I just had recess... sorry for messing up my hair, mommy.

2nd. Notice the rainbow bracelet on the left. I was cool.

3rd... cute hair, right? And most definitely a button-to-the-top kind of kid

4th. Let's be honest. I wish my hair was still this color.

5th. Egg whites in the hair? all 5th grade long.

6th. Middle part. The year I saw no sun ever? 

7th. Awkward first year of makeup... not gonna lie, I had some pretty killer hair, though.

8th. Another year of great hair. Miss those days. But I can't smile normally ever apparently...

9th. And then the hair fell out... and I overdosed on the eye-liner.

10th. Hair cut. I possibly should have tilted my head up a little more...

11th. Had no clue picture day was that day. Luckily the outfit/hair wasn't too bad...

Pretty, right? I thought so. 

Also, stay tuned for more childhood pictures... I just got a whole lot of them from my home computer. Get excited.

Ode to the busboy

I think that puzzles are one of my favorite things on earth. Every kind of puzzle, actually. Jigsaw puzzles, word searches, sudoku, logic puzzles... I'm even fascinated by mathematical puzzles and problems. Call me crazy, but there's just something about taking different pieces, putting it together, and creating a solution that absolutely captivates me.

The same goes for the people in my life. The people that I like the most are the people who I see as puzzles; they're the people who intrigue me enough that I'd like a few more of the pieces to their puzzle so that I can figure out a solution.

Because of this, I ask a lot of questions. I was always that little kid that asked 5 million questions a day. I still am that kid. Lucky for me, I have parents who know practically everything; and for the answers they don't know, I have google. But I ask questions for more than just the response. After billions of questions, I've found that the answers to a question can tell you a whole lot more than the simple answer to the question. Especially if you have a few puzzle pieces all lined up, waiting for a connecting piece.

Alright, now that I have that explained, let me switch gears real fast.

This is for you. You know who you are.

Connecting pieces? I'm slowly putting them together, but you haven't made it easy. Lucky for you, I like hard puzzles. But here are a few things that I have put together:

1. I don't know your parents, but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure that you're a perfect mix of every good quality that they have. They raised you well.

2. You aren't concerned with what others think. You simply do what you do for yourself--not because you think that it would make this person think you were cool or funny, you do it because you want to.

3. You're a whole lot more mature than anyone your age.

4. You have vision. You know who you are. You know who you want to be. You know where you want to be. Maybe not specifically, but that vision of yours is already in place, I can tell.

5. You are going to go somewhere in your life. And I'm pretty positive you'll touch a lot of lives on the way. I hope that I still know you when we're older so I can see how you've turned out. Because you are going to be someone.

That's it.

Alright, so I don't know a whole lot about you. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I like everything about you. All I know is, you intrigue me, I like being around you, and I like our adventures together. They're few in number, but so far we've had some pretty great ones. So I've decided to keep you around, I suppose ;)

What I'm mostly trying to get at here is: happy birthday, kiddo.

Love, Jess