Goodbyes.
They really stink. Personally, I think that goodbyes are just about the worst thing in the world to have to do.
Lately, I've said a lot of goodbyes. For proof, let's just take down some stats here. In the past year these are the hard goodbyes that I've said:
Total count of best friend missionary goodbyes: (14).
Total count of best friend missionary future goodbyes: (1).
Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that are off to college: (19)
Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that I met at college and are no longer at college with me: (10)
(Those last two were more of an estimate just FYI).
Total count of old live(s) that I've said goodbye to: (1)
Total count of times I've said "Love you, bye!": (uncountable)
But I can say that the hardest goodbye came unexpectedly. Morgan Meservy.
Morgan Meservy became my friend about six months ago when he came home from his mission. He's one of my very best friends cousins, and so that's how we met. He started hanging out with my crew, and so we became very good friends. He's the funniest kid. I adore that guy. We used to always joke around that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just for the sake of saying it. I remember hearing him yell my name and "girlfriend" or "GF" right after every time I saw him around campus or anywhere else, really. The thing that's different about Morgan from the rest of my friends was that he's a returned missionary. And let me tell you, it shows. It's not like he didn't mess around or even act immature with the rest of us, but he did have a different kind of maturity about him. You can definitely tell that he has the gospel in his life.
Anyway, like I said earlier, I've gotten really used to goodbyes in the past year. Missionary goodbyes especially. And because Morgan already served, I got very used to the idea of him in my life after all the missionaries are off to different parts of the world. I pictured us being buddies: tag-teamin' it up in college. Not only because he was staying around, but because he makes the best buddy. He is everything and more of what you could want in a friend. But my plans just changed a little.
Unexpected goodbyes are the worst kind. The kind that happen before you even have the chance to say goodbye are the kind that really make my heart hurt. The kind that throw you off that plan you had. Those are the worst kind of goodbyes that there are out there.
That's why Morgan's goodbye was so hard. He passed away two days ago in a scooter accident. I didn't get to say goodbye face to face to that wonderful man because it was so quick. And just like that, that unsaid goodbye became my hardest one all year.
But there is one beautiful thing about goodbyes: They don't last forever. A goodbye is always temporary. It can last as long as two years until you say hello again to that freshly returned missionary. It can last for a lot of years, until you are able to say hello again to your deceased friends and family in heaven.
I believe that the best part about goodbyes is the fact that the hello is so much sweeter once you've said goodbye. That hello is one of the best feelings ever. And that is why I'm so grateful for my gospel. The fact that I have the knowledge that I will see Morgan again someday makes it okay. It doesn't mean that I'm not sad; I still have a while until I'll be able to see him again, and that's a hard thing. But I will be able to see him again. And that makes the hard part just a little easier.
To Morgan:
Thank you. I love you. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Jess, the GF.
