Guys. I'm writing a book. Really, there's nothing that qualifies me to actually write this book, but I'm doing it regardless.
And as my avid blog followers, you guys get the privilege of the very first sneak peak ever of this soon to be New York Times Best-Seller.
Here it goes.
Dating 101
Relationship Advice from a Girl Who Almost, Kind of, Sort of had a Boyfriend Once
By: Yours Truly
Preface:
Hey. I'm Jess. Now I know what you're thinking. First, you're probably thinking, "What on Earth possessed me to pick up this book?" Next, I'm pretty sure you're wondering why this 19 year-old chick from Happy Valley Utah is qualified to write a dating book. And for that matter, you might be also wondering (if you actually took the time to read the abnormally long subtitle) what's wrong with her? Why has she only had one "almost, kind of, sort of" boyfriend? And what does that even mean?
We'll stop there with the questions. Because I could go on. But let me at least answer those in hopes that in doing so, I convince you to keep reading.
What on Earth possessed you to pick this lovely book up?
Well. I'd like to say that it's because this book is genuinely and unbelievably awesome. But in reality, it's most likely because the cover looks pretty cool. Let's face it. We all judge our books by their covers. Or if you are possibly not as superficial as the rest of us, it might be because you really need help in the dating world. In which case, I'm here for you.
Why am I qualified to write this book?
Easy. I believe Li'l Wayne said it best when he said, "They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why they mistake me." Which really makes no sense. Mistake you for what, Li'l Wayne? Clearly, he did not think that one through. Or the rest of his thought just didn't flow with the rest of his rap. Or he meant miss take rather than mistake. Common misconception. But the point I'm trying to get across here is that we all learn from our mistakes and experiences. And I bet you a dollar I've had more relationship mistakes/experiences than you ever have. Actually I take back that bet. But I still have had a lot. A lot and a lot of bad dating experiences. And generally I like to learn from my mistakes. For the most part. Even if I haven't learned from all of my mistakes, hopefully you can learn a thing or two from them.
What's wrong with me?
Absolutely nothing. At least that's what my mommy tells me.
Why have I only had one sort of boyfriend?
It's a part of my chemical make up. Just a little bit of bad relationship luck, a dash of innocence, and a whole lot of stupid.
What does that even mean?
If you really want to know, please read further into the text and you'll find your answer there.
So there you have it. If those aren't the best reasons ever to continue reading, I just don't know what would be. Thank you for your time.
Chapter One:
Let me tell you something that's taken me a long time to admit. I've got issues. I honestly couldn't count the problems that I have on three hands. However, from an outsiders stand point, I look like I should live a fairly healthy life. As a matter of fact, I've kind of got everything going for me. I've got two great relationship examples in my life: my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. Both in love and happy as can be. I go on more dates than the average college student. Most of them being blind, but they still count. Sort of. Not to mention the fact that I'm outrageously attractive and irresistibly witty. As well as a tad sarcastic. But that's besides the point. In high school, my friends would always tease me about how I was the most likely to be married within a year of graduation. And now look where I am.
Well. I've analyzed this again and again. And again. I mean, I've got brothers! And a dog that's a boy. Shouldn't I be already kind of prepared for what the male species is going to throw at me? Well. That's where it gets tricky. Relationship advice #1: Boys you date aren't really like your dogs. And they most certainly aren't anything like your brothers. (And thank goodness for that)....
To be continued. Maybe. But probably not. Just giving you a little sneak peak, I can't give up the whole book!
Anyway. Like what you see? You can preorder copies below in the comments section. Your hardback copies should be arriving in January of 2042.
[Disclaimer: no book is actually being written.]
xoxo,
Jess
