Promises

Once I promised you some pictures from my childhood. That was actually a long time ago. But better late than never, right?

So here you go. Baby Jess. Literally baby Jess. Not just the nickname.

Enjoy.

Suuper hot Arabian dancer. Dang girl.

Wittwe baby dancer. Actually I think I just had a tutu on for fun... no dancing involved

Joe. With the best big sister ever [me]

So many things to be said about this picture... Barbie cake= Best thing ever. My dad's star shirt? even cooler. But I'm pretty sure his socks and sandals takes the cake. [but not the Barbie cake. Mini me has that handled]

I'm a B.I.P in my family. That's what I'm singing right there, I'm sure of it.
[for those of us who haven't been graced by that lovely song B.I.P.= bery important person. duh]
P.S. JELLIES. best. shoes. ever. 

I'm pretty sure that at least half of my childhood was spent camping. 

Yes. I do still look like this in the mornings... Merry Christmas?

Just me and my daddy.

So. Attractive. I'm so glad my mom always did my hair sooo cute!

My best friend. And socks and jellies.

Favorite holiday.

The reason why we're best friends...

The reason why I'm so cool...

Just some knee stunting with my uncle... proof that I'm a natural. And sorry for the shirt.... Go cougars...

Proof that someone told me I grew a lot once...

proof that the only fun horse is a wooden one.

Or a My Little Pony one. 

Gettin down and dirty. 

I'm licenced.

Stephanie liked to do my makeup...

So stylish.

I rocked the middle part before it was cool. 

Just a lamb. With my best friend who was the shepherd. Originally I was the angel, but Jenny Cartwright cried so I got this cute outfit instead.

Speechless. 

 That's all for now because it's my bedtime.

Goodnight!

Upcoming Author

Guys. I'm writing a book. Really, there's nothing that qualifies me to actually write this book, but I'm doing it regardless.

And as my avid blog followers, you guys get the privilege of the very first sneak peak ever of this soon to be New York Times Best-Seller. 

Here it goes.

Dating 101

Relationship Advice from a Girl Who Almost, Kind of, Sort of had a Boyfriend Once

By: Yours Truly

Preface:

Hey. I'm Jess. Now I know what you're thinking. First, you're probably thinking, "What on Earth possessed me to pick up this book?" Next, I'm pretty sure you're wondering why this 19 year-old chick from Happy Valley Utah is qualified to write a dating book. And for that matter, you might be also wondering (if you actually took the time to read the abnormally long subtitle) what's wrong with her? Why has she only had one "almost, kind of, sort of" boyfriend? And what does that even mean? 

We'll stop there with the questions. Because I could go on. But let me at least answer those in hopes that in doing so, I convince you to keep reading. 

What on Earth possessed you to pick this lovely book up? 

Well. I'd like to say that it's because this book is genuinely and unbelievably awesome. But in reality, it's most likely because the cover looks pretty cool. Let's face it. We all judge our books by their covers. Or if you are possibly not as superficial as the rest of us, it might be because you really need help in the dating world. In which case, I'm here for you. 

Why am I qualified to write this book? 

Easy. I believe Li'l Wayne said it best when he said, "They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why they mistake me." Which really makes no sense. Mistake you for what, Li'l Wayne? Clearly, he did not think that one through. Or the rest of his thought just didn't flow with the rest of his rap. Or he meant miss take rather than mistake. Common misconception.  But the point I'm trying to get across here is that we all learn from our mistakes and experiences. And I bet you a dollar I've had more relationship mistakes/experiences than you ever have. Actually I take back that bet. But I still have had a lot. A lot and a lot of bad dating experiences. And generally I like to learn from my mistakes. For the most part. Even if I haven't learned from all of my mistakes, hopefully you can learn a thing or two from them. 

What's wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing. At least that's what my mommy tells me. 

Why have I only had one sort of boyfriend?

It's a part of my chemical make up. Just a little bit of bad relationship luck, a dash of innocence, and a whole lot of stupid. 

What does that even mean? 

If you really want to know, please read further into the text and you'll find your answer there. 

So there you have it. If those aren't the best reasons ever to continue reading, I just don't know what would be. Thank you for your time. 

Chapter One: 

Let me tell you something that's taken me a long time to admit. I've got issues. I honestly couldn't count the problems that I have on three hands. However, from an outsiders stand point, I look like I should live a fairly healthy life. As a matter of fact, I've kind of got everything going for me. I've got two great relationship examples in my life: my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. Both in love and happy as can be. I go on more dates than the average college student. Most of them being blind, but they still count. Sort of. Not to mention the fact that I'm outrageously attractive and irresistibly witty. As well as a tad sarcastic. But that's besides the point. In high school, my friends would always tease me about how I was the most likely to be married within a year of graduation. And now look where I am. 

Well. I've analyzed this again and again. And again. I mean, I've got brothers! And a dog that's a boy. Shouldn't I be already kind of prepared for what the male species is going to throw at me? Well. That's where it gets tricky. Relationship advice #1: Boys you date aren't really like your dogs. And they most certainly aren't anything like your brothers. (And thank goodness for that)....

To be continued. Maybe. But probably not. Just giving you a little sneak peak, I can't give up the whole book! 

Anyway. Like what you see? You can preorder copies below in the comments section. Your hardback copies should be arriving in January of 2042. 

[Disclaimer: no book is actually being written.]

xoxo,

Jess

Goodbyes

Goodbyes.

They really stink. Personally, I think that goodbyes are just about the worst thing in the world to have to do.

Lately, I've said a lot of goodbyes. For proof, let's just take down some stats here. In the past year these are the hard goodbyes that I've said:

Total count of best friend missionary goodbyes: (14).

Total count of best friend missionary future goodbyes: (1).

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that are off to college: (19)

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that I met at college and are no longer at college with me: (10)

(Those last two were more of an estimate just FYI).

Total count of old live(s) that I've said goodbye to: (1)

Total count of times I've said "Love you, bye!": (uncountable)

But I can say that the hardest goodbye came unexpectedly. Morgan Meservy.

Morgan Meservy became my friend about six months ago when he came home from his mission. He's one of my very best friends cousins, and so that's how we met. He started hanging out with my crew, and so we became very good friends. He's the funniest kid. I adore that guy. We used to always joke around that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just for the sake of saying it. I remember hearing him yell my name and "girlfriend" or "GF" right after every time I saw him around campus or anywhere else, really. The thing that's different about Morgan from the rest of my friends was that he's a returned missionary. And let me tell you, it shows. It's not like he didn't mess around or even act immature with the rest of us, but he did have a different kind of maturity about him. You can definitely tell that he has the gospel in his life.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I've gotten really used to goodbyes in the past year. Missionary goodbyes especially. And because Morgan already served, I got very used to the idea of him in my life after all the missionaries are off to different parts of the world. I pictured us being buddies: tag-teamin' it up in college. Not only because he was staying around, but because he makes the best buddy. He is everything and more of what you could want in a friend. But my plans just changed a little.

Unexpected goodbyes are the worst kind. The kind that happen before you even have the chance to say goodbye are the kind that really make my heart hurt. The kind that throw you off that plan you had. Those are the worst kind of goodbyes that there are out there.

That's why Morgan's goodbye was so hard. He passed away two days ago in a scooter accident. I didn't get to say goodbye face to face to that wonderful man because it was so quick. And just like that, that unsaid goodbye became my hardest one all year.

But there is one beautiful thing about goodbyes: They don't last forever. A goodbye is always temporary. It can last as long as two years until you say hello again to that freshly returned missionary. It can last for a lot of years, until you are able to say hello again to your deceased friends and family in heaven.

I believe that the best part about goodbyes is the fact that the hello is so much sweeter once you've said goodbye. That hello is one of the best feelings ever. And that is why I'm so grateful for my gospel. The fact that I have the knowledge that I will see Morgan again someday makes it okay. It doesn't mean that I'm not sad; I still have a while until I'll be able to see him again, and that's a hard thing. But I will be able to see him again. And that makes the hard part just a little easier.

To Morgan:
Thank you. I love you. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Jess, the GF.

I grew up

School pictures. Probably the worst things ever. But I feel like it's a decent representation of how I grew up. And I just found mine and laughed at them for hours. So here it goes.. Jessica Walker: K-11 (because I couldn't find my senior year pictures...) Feel free to make fun. I'm aware of my awkwardness. 

kindergarten. the headband and hideous shirt.. way too classic.

1st. Wearing my favorite jumper, and I'm pretty sure that I just had recess... sorry for messing up my hair, mommy.

2nd. Notice the rainbow bracelet on the left. I was cool.

3rd... cute hair, right? And most definitely a button-to-the-top kind of kid

4th. Let's be honest. I wish my hair was still this color.

5th. Egg whites in the hair? all 5th grade long.

6th. Middle part. The year I saw no sun ever? 

7th. Awkward first year of makeup... not gonna lie, I had some pretty killer hair, though.

8th. Another year of great hair. Miss those days. But I can't smile normally ever apparently...

9th. And then the hair fell out... and I overdosed on the eye-liner.

10th. Hair cut. I possibly should have tilted my head up a little more...

11th. Had no clue picture day was that day. Luckily the outfit/hair wasn't too bad...

Pretty, right? I thought so. 

Also, stay tuned for more childhood pictures... I just got a whole lot of them from my home computer. Get excited.

Ode to the busboy

I think that puzzles are one of my favorite things on earth. Every kind of puzzle, actually. Jigsaw puzzles, word searches, sudoku, logic puzzles... I'm even fascinated by mathematical puzzles and problems. Call me crazy, but there's just something about taking different pieces, putting it together, and creating a solution that absolutely captivates me.

The same goes for the people in my life. The people that I like the most are the people who I see as puzzles; they're the people who intrigue me enough that I'd like a few more of the pieces to their puzzle so that I can figure out a solution.

Because of this, I ask a lot of questions. I was always that little kid that asked 5 million questions a day. I still am that kid. Lucky for me, I have parents who know practically everything; and for the answers they don't know, I have google. But I ask questions for more than just the response. After billions of questions, I've found that the answers to a question can tell you a whole lot more than the simple answer to the question. Especially if you have a few puzzle pieces all lined up, waiting for a connecting piece.

Alright, now that I have that explained, let me switch gears real fast.

This is for you. You know who you are.

Connecting pieces? I'm slowly putting them together, but you haven't made it easy. Lucky for you, I like hard puzzles. But here are a few things that I have put together:

1. I don't know your parents, but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure that you're a perfect mix of every good quality that they have. They raised you well.

2. You aren't concerned with what others think. You simply do what you do for yourself--not because you think that it would make this person think you were cool or funny, you do it because you want to.

3. You're a whole lot more mature than anyone your age.

4. You have vision. You know who you are. You know who you want to be. You know where you want to be. Maybe not specifically, but that vision of yours is already in place, I can tell.

5. You are going to go somewhere in your life. And I'm pretty positive you'll touch a lot of lives on the way. I hope that I still know you when we're older so I can see how you've turned out. Because you are going to be someone.

That's it.

Alright, so I don't know a whole lot about you. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I like everything about you. All I know is, you intrigue me, I like being around you, and I like our adventures together. They're few in number, but so far we've had some pretty great ones. So I've decided to keep you around, I suppose ;)

What I'm mostly trying to get at here is: happy birthday, kiddo.

Love, Jess

Blog Makeover

Because sometimes you just need to switch it up every once in a while. Plus I like blue. And stripes.

10 things I would really like to eat right about now

First. My mom, roommates, and I are kind of cleansing right now. So today all I get to eat for this cleanse is fruit and water. Which isn't bad at all because I loooove fruit. But right now, I'm craving kind pretty much everything bad for me.

Second. For some reason I'm loving the lists right now. So here is yet another list. This one's on the food that I would really love to eat right now. In case you didn't get the picture from the title....

1. A big fat JCWs cheeseburger. From the one in AF. And possibly a chocolate banana smoothie as well.

2. Hot BBQ wings from Rocky Mountain Wing Shack. I wouldn't even be mad that they make me all sticky.

3. Anything from Cheesecake Factory. I haven't found something that I don't love there. Their barbecue ranch chicken salad sounds so good. Or their avocado rolls. Or their fried mac and cheese. Or their brown bread.

4. Hawaiian burger from Karl's Jr. With a lot of that sauce stuff.

5. McDonald's chicken nuggets. I'm obsessed with those.

6. Paradise pie from Chili's.

7. Cookies. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.

8. A cocoa bean cupcake. Preferably madagascar vanilla, snickerdoodle, raspberry cheesecake, or better than whatever flavored. Oh, and a love potion drink.

9. MILK. I could probably do the whole gallon challenge right about now, that's how much I want some.

10. A deep-dish, cheese pizza with pineapple on it from Pizza Hut. The greasier the better.

That's about it.

But let's be honest here. I crave those things anyway; so this week isn't much different. The only difference is that I'm not eating them right now...

Also, can I just address something real quick? Ending a blog post is probably the hardest thing ever. So sorry for all of the awkward endings.

k bye.

9 fears

I'd like to consider myself a brave person. Big roller coasters don't scare me, hundred foot cliffs don't faze me, and I can even sleep without a night light. But there are a lot of things I am afraid of. Really afraid of.

1. I'm afraid of sharks. There's no way I'll go swimming in the ocean because I have a massive fear of sharks. I can't even watch sharks on TV without getting scared. I think it goes without saying that I lock myself in my room for all of shark week. It's bad. When I was younger, Stephanie told me that sharks could get into lakes too because they would swim through the rivers (I used to believe everything she said...) so still, even though I know that's not true now, it takes me at least an hour to hop into a lake.

2. Public bathroom doors. I'm not a germaphobe at all. Not very many things gross me out: Once I ate one of my chicken nuggets off of a McDonald's floor (gross, I know). But there's something about bathroom doors that grosses me out. I literally refuse to touch them. Thank goodness for paper towels.

3. I'm afraid of becoming fat. I think that just might be one of the worst things to be.

4. I'm afraid of someone breaking my heart. Like really afraid of it. I put walls up for people, especially if I sense anything not working out. Which is stupid of me; it doesn't fix anything, and most times will make things a lot worse.

5. I'm afraid of being alone.

6. I'm afraid of crying in front of people. So much so that I literally can't cry in front of people. The only time that I really can cry in front of someone is if I feel 100% comfortable around them. Other than that, it never happens. I'd like to explain to you why, but I really don't know why. I think it's possibly because I subconsciously feel like crying is a sign that you're weak--that you're breaking down. And I was raised to always keep it together. I was raised to be strong. When everything else is crashing down, I was raised to only focus on the good in life. Crying is pretty much the opposite of that. So maybe that's why.

7. I'm super afraid of losing my individuality. I just want to be different.

8. I'm afraid of not meeting other people's expectations. I don't think this one really needs an explanation.

9. I'm afraid of letting people really get to know me. It's not because I'm self conscious about myself or anything. I just feel like when I show people the real me, I automatically become more fragile and exposed. I feel like I can get hurt a lot easier if someone knows who I really am. That thought scares me.

I hope you still consider me a brave person. If not, refer to the first paragraph (remember the part how I can sleep without a nightlight?).

I found a quote the other day by Eleanor Roosevelt that says, "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do." I think real bravery doesn't mean that you are unafraid. I think that bravery means that you were afraid, but you did it anyways. It means that you did it in spite of that fear. That's partially the reason why I'm telling you these things. A) because it's kind of going against fear #9 and B) because writing them down helps me to realize why, and helps me to get over my fears. Because eventually, I'm planning on being fearless. If you're fearless, you have nothing holding you back. And I plan on going places in life.

Dear Diary

I have two super important things to tell you!! Which is great because usually I just make up something unimportant... just for the sake of blogging. But not today!

Journal entry blogging: yeah, it's about to happen.

First off, you're reading the blog of a national champion. My team and I? We just owwwned nationals in California this past weekend. It was SO much fun. I really, really like winning. Just in case you were wondering. So if you'd like to see it, here's the link. We kind of rocked it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFjkDoT80J8

I'm the one on top, 2nd from the right in the middle stunt sequence.

Anyway, on to another extra important topic. Tim and I kissed. That's all.

Needless to say, it's been a good week.

Anyway. That's all I had to say.

#kbye

P.S. Hunger Games, was soo great. It was so good that even though every one is obsessing over it, I can still admit that I loved it just as much, if not more, than those people. Maybe my phobia of losing my originality is fading... (double ps, we all know you love Peeta, no need to post it all over facebook)

Prank.

I'm kind of currently on the hunt for the perfect practical joke. Why? Because I wish I was sneaky and witty and clever enough to come up with something that people will laugh about for years to come. Okay maybe not years, but I'm dreaming big here. I'm a little bit at a loss right now, so that's what's putting a real damper on my life currently.
Feel free to make any suggestions to help me on my way to prank-genius level. Thanks :)

Loveforever: jess