Ode to the busboy

I think that puzzles are one of my favorite things on earth. Every kind of puzzle, actually. Jigsaw puzzles, word searches, sudoku, logic puzzles... I'm even fascinated by mathematical puzzles and problems. Call me crazy, but there's just something about taking different pieces, putting it together, and creating a solution that absolutely captivates me.

The same goes for the people in my life. The people that I like the most are the people who I see as puzzles; they're the people who intrigue me enough that I'd like a few more of the pieces to their puzzle so that I can figure out a solution.

Because of this, I ask a lot of questions. I was always that little kid that asked 5 million questions a day. I still am that kid. Lucky for me, I have parents who know practically everything; and for the answers they don't know, I have google. But I ask questions for more than just the response. After billions of questions, I've found that the answers to a question can tell you a whole lot more than the simple answer to the question. Especially if you have a few puzzle pieces all lined up, waiting for a connecting piece.

Alright, now that I have that explained, let me switch gears real fast.

This is for you. You know who you are.

Connecting pieces? I'm slowly putting them together, but you haven't made it easy. Lucky for you, I like hard puzzles. But here are a few things that I have put together:

1. I don't know your parents, but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure that you're a perfect mix of every good quality that they have. They raised you well.

2. You aren't concerned with what others think. You simply do what you do for yourself--not because you think that it would make this person think you were cool or funny, you do it because you want to.

3. You're a whole lot more mature than anyone your age.

4. You have vision. You know who you are. You know who you want to be. You know where you want to be. Maybe not specifically, but that vision of yours is already in place, I can tell.

5. You are going to go somewhere in your life. And I'm pretty positive you'll touch a lot of lives on the way. I hope that I still know you when we're older so I can see how you've turned out. Because you are going to be someone.

That's it.

Alright, so I don't know a whole lot about you. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I like everything about you. All I know is, you intrigue me, I like being around you, and I like our adventures together. They're few in number, but so far we've had some pretty great ones. So I've decided to keep you around, I suppose ;)

What I'm mostly trying to get at here is: happy birthday, kiddo.

Love, Jess

Blog Makeover

Because sometimes you just need to switch it up every once in a while. Plus I like blue. And stripes.

10 things I would really like to eat right about now

First. My mom, roommates, and I are kind of cleansing right now. So today all I get to eat for this cleanse is fruit and water. Which isn't bad at all because I loooove fruit. But right now, I'm craving kind pretty much everything bad for me.

Second. For some reason I'm loving the lists right now. So here is yet another list. This one's on the food that I would really love to eat right now. In case you didn't get the picture from the title....

1. A big fat JCWs cheeseburger. From the one in AF. And possibly a chocolate banana smoothie as well.

2. Hot BBQ wings from Rocky Mountain Wing Shack. I wouldn't even be mad that they make me all sticky.

3. Anything from Cheesecake Factory. I haven't found something that I don't love there. Their barbecue ranch chicken salad sounds so good. Or their avocado rolls. Or their fried mac and cheese. Or their brown bread.

4. Hawaiian burger from Karl's Jr. With a lot of that sauce stuff.

5. McDonald's chicken nuggets. I'm obsessed with those.

6. Paradise pie from Chili's.

7. Cookies. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.

8. A cocoa bean cupcake. Preferably madagascar vanilla, snickerdoodle, raspberry cheesecake, or better than whatever flavored. Oh, and a love potion drink.

9. MILK. I could probably do the whole gallon challenge right about now, that's how much I want some.

10. A deep-dish, cheese pizza with pineapple on it from Pizza Hut. The greasier the better.

That's about it.

But let's be honest here. I crave those things anyway; so this week isn't much different. The only difference is that I'm not eating them right now...

Also, can I just address something real quick? Ending a blog post is probably the hardest thing ever. So sorry for all of the awkward endings.

k bye.

9 fears

I'd like to consider myself a brave person. Big roller coasters don't scare me, hundred foot cliffs don't faze me, and I can even sleep without a night light. But there are a lot of things I am afraid of. Really afraid of.

1. I'm afraid of sharks. There's no way I'll go swimming in the ocean because I have a massive fear of sharks. I can't even watch sharks on TV without getting scared. I think it goes without saying that I lock myself in my room for all of shark week. It's bad. When I was younger, Stephanie told me that sharks could get into lakes too because they would swim through the rivers (I used to believe everything she said...) so still, even though I know that's not true now, it takes me at least an hour to hop into a lake.

2. Public bathroom doors. I'm not a germaphobe at all. Not very many things gross me out: Once I ate one of my chicken nuggets off of a McDonald's floor (gross, I know). But there's something about bathroom doors that grosses me out. I literally refuse to touch them. Thank goodness for paper towels.

3. I'm afraid of becoming fat. I think that just might be one of the worst things to be.

4. I'm afraid of someone breaking my heart. Like really afraid of it. I put walls up for people, especially if I sense anything not working out. Which is stupid of me; it doesn't fix anything, and most times will make things a lot worse.

5. I'm afraid of being alone.

6. I'm afraid of crying in front of people. So much so that I literally can't cry in front of people. The only time that I really can cry in front of someone is if I feel 100% comfortable around them. Other than that, it never happens. I'd like to explain to you why, but I really don't know why. I think it's possibly because I subconsciously feel like crying is a sign that you're weak--that you're breaking down. And I was raised to always keep it together. I was raised to be strong. When everything else is crashing down, I was raised to only focus on the good in life. Crying is pretty much the opposite of that. So maybe that's why.

7. I'm super afraid of losing my individuality. I just want to be different.

8. I'm afraid of not meeting other people's expectations. I don't think this one really needs an explanation.

9. I'm afraid of letting people really get to know me. It's not because I'm self conscious about myself or anything. I just feel like when I show people the real me, I automatically become more fragile and exposed. I feel like I can get hurt a lot easier if someone knows who I really am. That thought scares me.

I hope you still consider me a brave person. If not, refer to the first paragraph (remember the part how I can sleep without a nightlight?).

I found a quote the other day by Eleanor Roosevelt that says, "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do." I think real bravery doesn't mean that you are unafraid. I think that bravery means that you were afraid, but you did it anyways. It means that you did it in spite of that fear. That's partially the reason why I'm telling you these things. A) because it's kind of going against fear #9 and B) because writing them down helps me to realize why, and helps me to get over my fears. Because eventually, I'm planning on being fearless. If you're fearless, you have nothing holding you back. And I plan on going places in life.

Dear Diary

I have two super important things to tell you!! Which is great because usually I just make up something unimportant... just for the sake of blogging. But not today!

Journal entry blogging: yeah, it's about to happen.

First off, you're reading the blog of a national champion. My team and I? We just owwwned nationals in California this past weekend. It was SO much fun. I really, really like winning. Just in case you were wondering. So if you'd like to see it, here's the link. We kind of rocked it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFjkDoT80J8

I'm the one on top, 2nd from the right in the middle stunt sequence.

Anyway, on to another extra important topic. Tim and I kissed. That's all.

Needless to say, it's been a good week.

Anyway. That's all I had to say.

#kbye

P.S. Hunger Games, was soo great. It was so good that even though every one is obsessing over it, I can still admit that I loved it just as much, if not more, than those people. Maybe my phobia of losing my originality is fading... (double ps, we all know you love Peeta, no need to post it all over facebook)

Prank.

I'm kind of currently on the hunt for the perfect practical joke. Why? Because I wish I was sneaky and witty and clever enough to come up with something that people will laugh about for years to come. Okay maybe not years, but I'm dreaming big here. I'm a little bit at a loss right now, so that's what's putting a real damper on my life currently.
Feel free to make any suggestions to help me on my way to prank-genius level. Thanks :)

Loveforever: jess

Tweeter

I'm a tweeter now I suppose. That's really all there is to it.

But here's the thing. I don't really like it... It's kind of boring and confusing.

So what's the big hype about twitter everyone? Why is it so cool? Because so far, the only thing I'm really enjoying are the hashtags #itswayfun #butletsbehonest #idontreallygetit

Also, I lost respect for Carmelo Anthony after I read some of his tweets... (I don't appreciate your "I told you so"s guys)

Double also, newsflash people: twitter isn't that fun. #sorrytobreakittoya

Kbye. #deuces

Lady-Like

So I'd like to tell you a little secret. Sometimes when I find pictures that I like or have something to say about, I'll save it to a folder on my computer. This way, when I don't have anything to blog about, I can just browse that little folder and voila! I don't have to skip a day. Well it's been so long since I've looked in it, I had forgotten I had this picture. So I'll bring it out of it's 3 month hibernation to show you.

It's called class. Let's try to find it within ourselves kay? A little less Snookie and a little more Aubrey Hepburn, please. I'd really appreciate that. 

Short and sweet :) 

kthanksbye. 

Looking Ahead

Sometimes I just look ahead and get so so excited.

Yay for the future!! Top 2012 exciting things??

1. Competition. Let's get real here. I'm a big fan of showing off, and let me tell you something. We. Are. Legit. So any time I can show what I got and win some trophies and stuff, I'm down. So pretty much next Tuesday when we preform for our family and friends, next Friday when we preform for the cougarettes, and most of all, we compete in exactly 2 weeks!!!!!!! I may or may not be way too excited for it. Because we've got game. And we're ready to kill it :)

2. Disneyland!!!! in a week and 5 days! I love Disneyland more than anything on this earth. And I haven't been there since last year. So you could say I'm a little anxious to go back.

3. School literally ends in like a month and a half. Straight up. Which means, SUMMER!!!! I love me some summer.

4. I'm gonna be 19 in like a month and 6 days. If I was a boy, I'd be going on a mission. But I'm not so I just get to stay home and write people and stuff.

5. I'll be almost done (like 3 credits away) with all of my generals at the end of this year. My 5 year plan is going along quite nicely right about now :)

6. Holland. I get to watch her grow up and stuff. Nothing better than that sweet little bundle of joy. Bittersweet watching her grow up.

7. I won't ever have to live at Heritage again! Yay for not exploding sinks and stuff.

8. Tryouts. They stress me out, but I think it's important to remember the feeling that they give you because you only get to do it so many times. And after those times are gone, you won't get that anymore. So cherish those butterflystomach-exciting-nervous-i'mgonnapuke-waittime-giveityourall-showthemwhatyou'vegot-ohmygoshmyname'sonthelist feelings. They're kind of the best/worst.

9. Summer jobs. I like earning money. It makes me feel like a big kid.

10. Seeing my besties in the summer! Can't wait to go to my home ward and sit by my girl McKell. Can't wait to drive in the Alpine Country Club to pick up my bfpaf, Mindy so we can party forever. Can't wait to just be able to sit and talk with my mom and dad without needing to be back by a certain time. Can't wait to chill at Steph and Caleb's and watch PLL with Steph and Sports Center with Caleb for as long as I want. And hold that precious little baby. Can't wait to shoot some hoops with my little brothers, or splash in the pool with them, or smoke them in super smash. I can't wait to skype Lexy from a few states over because I sort of miss skyping people. Also, I might go visit her! sickee. I can't wait to visit Anna and Brenna and jump in our pool down there:)

11. Football season. Work weeks. Summer appearances. Cheer.

So 2012 sound pretty great to me right about now. Pretty much everything sound great to me right about now. #optimistic #sunnyday #lovinlife

#bye.

Friends?

Ladies and Gents,

If you would kindly direct your attention over to the archive of this blog for me, I'd like to point something out. January has 31 days in it... I posted 13 times. February has 29 days in it... I posted 4 times. I'm really good at this blogging thing. But don't worry about it. It's now March. Which gives me a brand new month to start over. Another day, another dollar right? (I think that's the phrase...although I'm not entirely sure it means what I want it to mean right now, so let's just pretend k?) So I will try to be better.

Anyways, I'd like to point out a trend in my life that I'm not loving right now. I'm about to tell you about my love life, and this is definitely not usual so a) don't get used to it; and b) don't judge. That's the reason I get nervous to tell people about things in the first place... that and the fact that every time I tell something to someone, everything gets all messed up and stuff. If you agree to these terms, you may read on.

One word. Friends. I get caught between two friends ALL. the. time. And I honestly don't have one clue how or why it happens. If you have any ideas, let me know, because it would save me a lot of trouble.

Exhibit A. A and C. (Full names concealed for security purposes) The least serious of the cases. So I was dating A. These two were bffs. C asked me on a date. I asked A if it was okay. He said yes. I thought, "Cool, it's just a fun date with a friend, A doesn't care." He broke up with me a week later. And later he told me it was because he was upset about C "moving in on his girl." Cool.

Exhibit B. C and B (not to be confused with the first C) They were my best friends forever my senior year of high school. They're also each other's best friends since they were little. We always joked about loving each other. Obviously, neither of them did anything about it because they didn't want to ruin our little trio friendship. It was all fun and games until they started getting serious. Not gonna lie, I didn't mind either of them doing that but when best friends are doing it behind the other best friend's back, it gets a little sketchy. Then all of the sudden, B started more than ever. Then randomly, C put me on a rock and kissed me. B backed off. Then C liked some other chick so he backed off too. Double cool.

Exhibit C. Last but not least. J and S. I liked J. So I hung out with them a lot. J liked this girl. I got jealous one night and let S move in a little more than he should... S kissed me. Unexpected. I finally got that mess all cleaned up. I still liked J after, but I'm officially off limits for him now. Those actual words came out of his mouth. Super cool.

So as you can see, I have a problem. One day I just hope I can find a man who wants me, and his best friend doesn't. That'd be fun.