NEW BLOG

Hi everyone!

I got a new blog.

It's newer and cooler than this one. So you're welcome to check it out if you'd like.

http://www.sincerelyjessicaerin.blogspot.com

Love,
Jess

Embarrassing moment of the day:

Once (today) I accidentally walked into the boys bathroom.

You see, I was focused on a test I was about take, so I just walked right in. I was about to go into a stall when I realized, "why are there only two stalls in here? I swear I remembered there being at least 5..." and then I spotted them. The urinals. So, as the cool, calm, and collected person that I am (or maybe it was the fact that I'm pretty experienced in the embarrassing moments department), all I did was have a baby freak out inside. Then I calmly walked out and to the building next door so I could do my business elsewhere.

So now I'm just sitting in the building next door, thanking my lucky stars that no one was in there, trying to get the courage to go back into the previous building so I could take my test, and blogging about it.

That was my day today. Hope that yours was better... But it probably wasn't as entertaining as mine.

XOXO,
Jess

Insta-Listin

If you're an instagrammer, you'll know that the latest intratrend is the "5 things that most people don't know about me post". Yes, I've been tagged. Haven't done it yet because.... There's a reason people don't know those things about me. But for a limited time only, I'll disclose this super secret info to my blogging fans only. Welcome to the very exclusive club that knows these things about me. Also, judge free zone here, k? Thanks. Enjoy.

Side note: 5 is not nearly enough. Small lists aren't really my thing.

1. When I'm bored, I like to clean my change and sort face cards... judge me if you will. But there's a 99.9% chance that the change I just gave you has been sufficiently sanitized. So you're welcome.

2. My dream job is to become a secret agent/spy. Seriously. I genuinely daydream about it at least once a day.

3. I'm a closet poet. And I've had several of my poems published in books. I don't tell anyone because I'm suuuper self-conscious of what I write. Which is also why only a few people know about my blog. Count yourself as one of the lucky ones if you've been blessed with this URL.

4. There are very few Taylor Swift songs that don't make me want to tear the radio out... But I pretend to like her because my sister loves her... sorry Steph. Truth comes out, I guess.

5. I'm outrageously paranoid. I always have my pocket knife and pepper spray with me... just in case.

6. I have a secret obsession with cats. Like it's a genuine obsession. If I'm upset, show me a picture of a cat and I'll automatically be overflowing with joy. Also, I'd really love to have a lot of cats. Except I don't think that the amount of cats I want is really an acceptable amount. Especially because I don't want to be known as the crazy cat lady. Which is why I keep that cat obsession secret. If it was up to me, I'd have at least 4, but I think that I'll limit myself to just 2... Simba and Marie. Yes I already have them named. So what?

7. If you haven't already guessed from my future kitty names.... I'm OBSESSED with anything Disney. Literally anything. Also, I have the entire Disney park memorized. From rides to restaurants to bathrooms. I even know where every smoking area is. Mostly because I like to avoid those places, but also because I've walked all around the park at least a million times. Not an exaggeration.

8. I'm far more competitive than your average person. Beat me at ticket to ride, and I genuinely have to calm myself down, or else I might yell at you. Or not talk to you for the next hour. Depending on how bad you beat me and/or if you tried to rub your victory in my face. It upsets me soooo badly.  

9. I didn't actually know that I loved to cheer until the day I tried out for BYU. Before then, it was just kind of a thing I did with my friends. You would think that after 6 years of it, I would have figured that out. But now I have a genuine passion for it. Cheerleading is my sport. And I'm in love with it.

10. I'd like to consider myself a cheerful person. Except if you wake me up in the middle of my REM sleep. If so, you better hope I can't get out of bed faster than you can leave the room because, like we learned from #5, I most likely have a pocket knife nearby...

11. 50% of all of my first kisses have been in cars... Classy, I know. Closet tramp, I guess...

12. I secretly have a crush on every boy who has ever told me that they're in love with my laugh. Why? Because it's a hard thing to love. Plus I do it all of the time, so my future husbands gotta love it or he might wanna claw his eyes out within the first year of our marriage.

13. Sometimes[/most of the time] I crave ice cream and alone time. So I used to go out ALL of the time and buy myself an ice cream, park my car in the middle of nowhere, and eat it all by myself ... [double confession, I hate making decisions and sometimes two flavors looked soo good... so I would just buy them both.... and eat them both #fatkidprobs]

14. Despite my awful eating habits, I think I have the hottest bod from the belly button up. And I hate that I just confessed that. But also, I'm outrageously self-conscious of my legs.

15. The only place that I would ever consider getting plastic surgery on my body would be my ears. They stick out. Real bad. And I hate them.

16. I used to be the prodigy child of the century. When I was 2, I potty trained myself. When I was three, I surprised my mom by telling her that she was reading the book wrong, and then proceeded to read the book to her... surprise! I can read. Also when I was three, I bore an adult testimony in sacrament meeting by myself. No generic "I-know-this-church-is-true" "I-love-my-mom-and-dad" testimonies for me. I had thought through actual realistic options for college and my future by age 7. I loved the dentist as a kid because I knew that it was important for my dental health. Same with the doctor. Shots never bothered me. Throughout elementary I had multiple teachers compliment me, my writing, or my projects by saying "Wow! This is very mature, Jessica! Good Work!" The first chapter book I ever read was when I was The Secret Garden. I read it in 1st grade. Some call it a gift. I call it maturing faster than a weed. I don't regret it, but I also don't love to admit my baby genius-ness. It's weird.

17. I've yet to have a teacher that doesn't love me. Say what you will. Suck up, brown-noser, teacher's pet... but I like to say I just have an outrageous amount of charisma.

18. I hated the nickname baby for the first three years that people called me it. Now I don't mind it. But if you're a genuine best friend of mine, you'll use Jess or at least baby Jess... Or call me Jess 50% of the time.

19. Once I decided it was a good idea to make myself a hate journal so I could write out my feelings of hatred toward other people. And 9 years later... There's only like two paragraphs in the thing. I physically can't be mad at someone for longer than 24 hours. It's hard.

I'm bored for now... but maybe I'll bless you with more reasons why you shouldn't be my friend later... You're welcome for embarrassing myself...

Love, Jess

Let it Snow

If you look reeeeally closely, you'll realize that it's snowing on my blog.

If you look reeeeally closely, you'll realize that it's not snowing in real life.

It's halfway through December, people. Can't a girl get a little snow up in here? That's all I ask. Please and thank you, mother nature.

What's Right For You

I went for a run today.

Now, normally I wouldn't be broadcasting such a thing. And if I did, it would be to poke fun at our little gym-rat social media friends, [you all know who they are. And they want you to know that they're #gettingswoll] But that is not the reason that I brought it up. [Although I am completely yoked sooo....] 

Anyway, I brought it up because running makes me think. Somehow all of my wild ideas and epiphanies come to me whilst breathing heavy and sweating in the frigid cold. 

So I decided to share just a few snippets of the knowledge I gained today. 

1. Never wear yoga pants while running in below freezing weather. Excuse my unlady-like language, but my bum has never been colder in my entire life. 

2. The world is truly a beautiful place. A breathtakingly beautiful creation from God, and one of our greatest blessings. 

3. Lauren Halliday. Now before you get confused why a name and not a mantra is my number three, let me explain. 

Lauren Halliday has always been one of my good friends. In fact, she was one of my best friends in high school. The reason why she came to mind today was because her farewell is tomorrow! This beautiful sister is serving in Orlando, Florida. I am so excited for her. Anyway, Lauren has always been a wonderful girl. But, in my best-friend-opinion, I don't believe that she had found "herself" until recently. And I think that she may agree. Lauren was always one of those girls who would follow the crowd in high school. Not to the point that she would do bad things; she was always willing to stand up for herself in that way. I just think that she didn't know what she really wanted. And so she would try to follow what others wanted in order to maybe find what she wanted along the way. 

Well Lauren was on the cheer team with me in high school. Flashback to my pre-existence/high school days and you'll see that I was never the "best friend" type. I was definitely friends with everyone on our team, but I didn't really have one that I could call up at anytime and we would go shopping together, or whatever best friends do. As I slowly got more comfortable with the team, I started forming stronger friendships. For sure my strongest friendship was with Lauren. And that's when she became my best friend. And that's also about the time that I got very comfortable with having a best friend on my team. But, as all stories are, this one didn't end up how I would have liked it to at the time. 

Long story short, she ended up quitting halfway through our senior year. I haven't really been able to admit this until now, but let me tell you, I was ticked. I wasn't upset with her, but more her decision. I could not believe that she had left me best friendless and really, kind of lonely. Okay, not that extreme, but I was a little peeved and confused. And it was this time that she really stopped having a lot of friends. She didn't run in the same social circles that she had before, and so she was cut out from many things that made up her life for so many years before. To be honest, I wasn't the best friend to her at this time. I didn't shun her or anything, but our friendship wasn't as easy and convenient as it used to be. We still talked and hung out, but not nearly as much as we did before. Plus, like I said, I was a little peeved at her. I was best friendless again (an unbelievably familiar thing for me at this point, but we won't get into my past now). Now, I'd like to tell you that it ruined my year so that I could say I was mad for a reason, but life went on. Things worked out. 

But here's where my thought process led me today. Lauren Halliday has her life figured out. She knows what she wants to do with her life and where she wants to be. Most importantly, she has figured out who she is. I completely admire her for that. But it took making a tricky decision to get her where she needed to be. Looking back, I completely admire her for the decision she made. In the past I was upset because her decision was not what decision I would have made; or, quite frankly, it wasn't a decision that would have been best for me. But, even though this decision was extremely hard for her, she knew that she had to do it. She knew that it was the right decision for her. And to take a beating just because you have faith in what Heavenly Father's plan is for you is completely admirable to me. And look where she ended up now. She has everything going for her, and I am SO excited for those people of Florida to be able to be blessed by her presence. 

My point is, sometimes what is best for others, isn't always best for you. And what is best for you isn't always what is best for others. You're life isn't for another person to live. Your life is your own and has unique plans and goals and paths that may be a lonesome road. But if you have a little faith, you'll know that it's the right one for you. You may not know how or why, but I promise you, God has a plan for you. He loves you. You are his child. And if you trust in him, he will guide you to eternal happiness. 

Promises

Once I promised you some pictures from my childhood. That was actually a long time ago. But better late than never, right?

So here you go. Baby Jess. Literally baby Jess. Not just the nickname.

Enjoy.

Suuper hot Arabian dancer. Dang girl.

Wittwe baby dancer. Actually I think I just had a tutu on for fun... no dancing involved

Joe. With the best big sister ever [me]

So many things to be said about this picture... Barbie cake= Best thing ever. My dad's star shirt? even cooler. But I'm pretty sure his socks and sandals takes the cake. [but not the Barbie cake. Mini me has that handled]

I'm a B.I.P in my family. That's what I'm singing right there, I'm sure of it.
[for those of us who haven't been graced by that lovely song B.I.P.= bery important person. duh]
P.S. JELLIES. best. shoes. ever. 

I'm pretty sure that at least half of my childhood was spent camping. 

Yes. I do still look like this in the mornings... Merry Christmas?

Just me and my daddy.

So. Attractive. I'm so glad my mom always did my hair sooo cute!

My best friend. And socks and jellies.

Favorite holiday.

The reason why we're best friends...

The reason why I'm so cool...

Just some knee stunting with my uncle... proof that I'm a natural. And sorry for the shirt.... Go cougars...

Proof that someone told me I grew a lot once...

proof that the only fun horse is a wooden one.

Or a My Little Pony one. 

Gettin down and dirty. 

I'm licenced.

Stephanie liked to do my makeup...

So stylish.

I rocked the middle part before it was cool. 

Just a lamb. With my best friend who was the shepherd. Originally I was the angel, but Jenny Cartwright cried so I got this cute outfit instead.

Speechless. 

 That's all for now because it's my bedtime.

Goodnight!

Upcoming Author

Guys. I'm writing a book. Really, there's nothing that qualifies me to actually write this book, but I'm doing it regardless.

And as my avid blog followers, you guys get the privilege of the very first sneak peak ever of this soon to be New York Times Best-Seller. 

Here it goes.

Dating 101

Relationship Advice from a Girl Who Almost, Kind of, Sort of had a Boyfriend Once

By: Yours Truly

Preface:

Hey. I'm Jess. Now I know what you're thinking. First, you're probably thinking, "What on Earth possessed me to pick up this book?" Next, I'm pretty sure you're wondering why this 19 year-old chick from Happy Valley Utah is qualified to write a dating book. And for that matter, you might be also wondering (if you actually took the time to read the abnormally long subtitle) what's wrong with her? Why has she only had one "almost, kind of, sort of" boyfriend? And what does that even mean? 

We'll stop there with the questions. Because I could go on. But let me at least answer those in hopes that in doing so, I convince you to keep reading. 

What on Earth possessed you to pick this lovely book up? 

Well. I'd like to say that it's because this book is genuinely and unbelievably awesome. But in reality, it's most likely because the cover looks pretty cool. Let's face it. We all judge our books by their covers. Or if you are possibly not as superficial as the rest of us, it might be because you really need help in the dating world. In which case, I'm here for you. 

Why am I qualified to write this book? 

Easy. I believe Li'l Wayne said it best when he said, "They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why they mistake me." Which really makes no sense. Mistake you for what, Li'l Wayne? Clearly, he did not think that one through. Or the rest of his thought just didn't flow with the rest of his rap. Or he meant miss take rather than mistake. Common misconception.  But the point I'm trying to get across here is that we all learn from our mistakes and experiences. And I bet you a dollar I've had more relationship mistakes/experiences than you ever have. Actually I take back that bet. But I still have had a lot. A lot and a lot of bad dating experiences. And generally I like to learn from my mistakes. For the most part. Even if I haven't learned from all of my mistakes, hopefully you can learn a thing or two from them. 

What's wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing. At least that's what my mommy tells me. 

Why have I only had one sort of boyfriend?

It's a part of my chemical make up. Just a little bit of bad relationship luck, a dash of innocence, and a whole lot of stupid. 

What does that even mean? 

If you really want to know, please read further into the text and you'll find your answer there. 

So there you have it. If those aren't the best reasons ever to continue reading, I just don't know what would be. Thank you for your time. 

Chapter One: 

Let me tell you something that's taken me a long time to admit. I've got issues. I honestly couldn't count the problems that I have on three hands. However, from an outsiders stand point, I look like I should live a fairly healthy life. As a matter of fact, I've kind of got everything going for me. I've got two great relationship examples in my life: my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. Both in love and happy as can be. I go on more dates than the average college student. Most of them being blind, but they still count. Sort of. Not to mention the fact that I'm outrageously attractive and irresistibly witty. As well as a tad sarcastic. But that's besides the point. In high school, my friends would always tease me about how I was the most likely to be married within a year of graduation. And now look where I am. 

Well. I've analyzed this again and again. And again. I mean, I've got brothers! And a dog that's a boy. Shouldn't I be already kind of prepared for what the male species is going to throw at me? Well. That's where it gets tricky. Relationship advice #1: Boys you date aren't really like your dogs. And they most certainly aren't anything like your brothers. (And thank goodness for that)....

To be continued. Maybe. But probably not. Just giving you a little sneak peak, I can't give up the whole book! 

Anyway. Like what you see? You can preorder copies below in the comments section. Your hardback copies should be arriving in January of 2042. 

[Disclaimer: no book is actually being written.]

xoxo,

Jess

Goodbyes

Goodbyes.

They really stink. Personally, I think that goodbyes are just about the worst thing in the world to have to do.

Lately, I've said a lot of goodbyes. For proof, let's just take down some stats here. In the past year these are the hard goodbyes that I've said:

Total count of best friend missionary goodbyes: (14).

Total count of best friend missionary future goodbyes: (1).

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that are off to college: (19)

Total count of friends I've said goodbye to that I met at college and are no longer at college with me: (10)

(Those last two were more of an estimate just FYI).

Total count of old live(s) that I've said goodbye to: (1)

Total count of times I've said "Love you, bye!": (uncountable)

But I can say that the hardest goodbye came unexpectedly. Morgan Meservy.

Morgan Meservy became my friend about six months ago when he came home from his mission. He's one of my very best friends cousins, and so that's how we met. He started hanging out with my crew, and so we became very good friends. He's the funniest kid. I adore that guy. We used to always joke around that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just for the sake of saying it. I remember hearing him yell my name and "girlfriend" or "GF" right after every time I saw him around campus or anywhere else, really. The thing that's different about Morgan from the rest of my friends was that he's a returned missionary. And let me tell you, it shows. It's not like he didn't mess around or even act immature with the rest of us, but he did have a different kind of maturity about him. You can definitely tell that he has the gospel in his life.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I've gotten really used to goodbyes in the past year. Missionary goodbyes especially. And because Morgan already served, I got very used to the idea of him in my life after all the missionaries are off to different parts of the world. I pictured us being buddies: tag-teamin' it up in college. Not only because he was staying around, but because he makes the best buddy. He is everything and more of what you could want in a friend. But my plans just changed a little.

Unexpected goodbyes are the worst kind. The kind that happen before you even have the chance to say goodbye are the kind that really make my heart hurt. The kind that throw you off that plan you had. Those are the worst kind of goodbyes that there are out there.

That's why Morgan's goodbye was so hard. He passed away two days ago in a scooter accident. I didn't get to say goodbye face to face to that wonderful man because it was so quick. And just like that, that unsaid goodbye became my hardest one all year.

But there is one beautiful thing about goodbyes: They don't last forever. A goodbye is always temporary. It can last as long as two years until you say hello again to that freshly returned missionary. It can last for a lot of years, until you are able to say hello again to your deceased friends and family in heaven.

I believe that the best part about goodbyes is the fact that the hello is so much sweeter once you've said goodbye. That hello is one of the best feelings ever. And that is why I'm so grateful for my gospel. The fact that I have the knowledge that I will see Morgan again someday makes it okay. It doesn't mean that I'm not sad; I still have a while until I'll be able to see him again, and that's a hard thing. But I will be able to see him again. And that makes the hard part just a little easier.

To Morgan:
Thank you. I love you. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Jess, the GF.

I grew up

School pictures. Probably the worst things ever. But I feel like it's a decent representation of how I grew up. And I just found mine and laughed at them for hours. So here it goes.. Jessica Walker: K-11 (because I couldn't find my senior year pictures...) Feel free to make fun. I'm aware of my awkwardness. 

kindergarten. the headband and hideous shirt.. way too classic.

1st. Wearing my favorite jumper, and I'm pretty sure that I just had recess... sorry for messing up my hair, mommy.

2nd. Notice the rainbow bracelet on the left. I was cool.

3rd... cute hair, right? And most definitely a button-to-the-top kind of kid

4th. Let's be honest. I wish my hair was still this color.

5th. Egg whites in the hair? all 5th grade long.

6th. Middle part. The year I saw no sun ever? 

7th. Awkward first year of makeup... not gonna lie, I had some pretty killer hair, though.

8th. Another year of great hair. Miss those days. But I can't smile normally ever apparently...

9th. And then the hair fell out... and I overdosed on the eye-liner.

10th. Hair cut. I possibly should have tilted my head up a little more...

11th. Had no clue picture day was that day. Luckily the outfit/hair wasn't too bad...

Pretty, right? I thought so. 

Also, stay tuned for more childhood pictures... I just got a whole lot of them from my home computer. Get excited.

Ode to the busboy

I think that puzzles are one of my favorite things on earth. Every kind of puzzle, actually. Jigsaw puzzles, word searches, sudoku, logic puzzles... I'm even fascinated by mathematical puzzles and problems. Call me crazy, but there's just something about taking different pieces, putting it together, and creating a solution that absolutely captivates me.

The same goes for the people in my life. The people that I like the most are the people who I see as puzzles; they're the people who intrigue me enough that I'd like a few more of the pieces to their puzzle so that I can figure out a solution.

Because of this, I ask a lot of questions. I was always that little kid that asked 5 million questions a day. I still am that kid. Lucky for me, I have parents who know practically everything; and for the answers they don't know, I have google. But I ask questions for more than just the response. After billions of questions, I've found that the answers to a question can tell you a whole lot more than the simple answer to the question. Especially if you have a few puzzle pieces all lined up, waiting for a connecting piece.

Alright, now that I have that explained, let me switch gears real fast.

This is for you. You know who you are.

Connecting pieces? I'm slowly putting them together, but you haven't made it easy. Lucky for you, I like hard puzzles. But here are a few things that I have put together:

1. I don't know your parents, but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure that you're a perfect mix of every good quality that they have. They raised you well.

2. You aren't concerned with what others think. You simply do what you do for yourself--not because you think that it would make this person think you were cool or funny, you do it because you want to.

3. You're a whole lot more mature than anyone your age.

4. You have vision. You know who you are. You know who you want to be. You know where you want to be. Maybe not specifically, but that vision of yours is already in place, I can tell.

5. You are going to go somewhere in your life. And I'm pretty positive you'll touch a lot of lives on the way. I hope that I still know you when we're older so I can see how you've turned out. Because you are going to be someone.

That's it.

Alright, so I don't know a whole lot about you. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I like everything about you. All I know is, you intrigue me, I like being around you, and I like our adventures together. They're few in number, but so far we've had some pretty great ones. So I've decided to keep you around, I suppose ;)

What I'm mostly trying to get at here is: happy birthday, kiddo.

Love, Jess

Blog Makeover

Because sometimes you just need to switch it up every once in a while. Plus I like blue. And stripes.

10 things I would really like to eat right about now

First. My mom, roommates, and I are kind of cleansing right now. So today all I get to eat for this cleanse is fruit and water. Which isn't bad at all because I loooove fruit. But right now, I'm craving kind pretty much everything bad for me.

Second. For some reason I'm loving the lists right now. So here is yet another list. This one's on the food that I would really love to eat right now. In case you didn't get the picture from the title....

1. A big fat JCWs cheeseburger. From the one in AF. And possibly a chocolate banana smoothie as well.

2. Hot BBQ wings from Rocky Mountain Wing Shack. I wouldn't even be mad that they make me all sticky.

3. Anything from Cheesecake Factory. I haven't found something that I don't love there. Their barbecue ranch chicken salad sounds so good. Or their avocado rolls. Or their fried mac and cheese. Or their brown bread.

4. Hawaiian burger from Karl's Jr. With a lot of that sauce stuff.

5. McDonald's chicken nuggets. I'm obsessed with those.

6. Paradise pie from Chili's.

7. Cookies. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.

8. A cocoa bean cupcake. Preferably madagascar vanilla, snickerdoodle, raspberry cheesecake, or better than whatever flavored. Oh, and a love potion drink.

9. MILK. I could probably do the whole gallon challenge right about now, that's how much I want some.

10. A deep-dish, cheese pizza with pineapple on it from Pizza Hut. The greasier the better.

That's about it.

But let's be honest here. I crave those things anyway; so this week isn't much different. The only difference is that I'm not eating them right now...

Also, can I just address something real quick? Ending a blog post is probably the hardest thing ever. So sorry for all of the awkward endings.

k bye.

9 fears

I'd like to consider myself a brave person. Big roller coasters don't scare me, hundred foot cliffs don't faze me, and I can even sleep without a night light. But there are a lot of things I am afraid of. Really afraid of.

1. I'm afraid of sharks. There's no way I'll go swimming in the ocean because I have a massive fear of sharks. I can't even watch sharks on TV without getting scared. I think it goes without saying that I lock myself in my room for all of shark week. It's bad. When I was younger, Stephanie told me that sharks could get into lakes too because they would swim through the rivers (I used to believe everything she said...) so still, even though I know that's not true now, it takes me at least an hour to hop into a lake.

2. Public bathroom doors. I'm not a germaphobe at all. Not very many things gross me out: Once I ate one of my chicken nuggets off of a McDonald's floor (gross, I know). But there's something about bathroom doors that grosses me out. I literally refuse to touch them. Thank goodness for paper towels.

3. I'm afraid of becoming fat. I think that just might be one of the worst things to be.

4. I'm afraid of someone breaking my heart. Like really afraid of it. I put walls up for people, especially if I sense anything not working out. Which is stupid of me; it doesn't fix anything, and most times will make things a lot worse.

5. I'm afraid of being alone.

6. I'm afraid of crying in front of people. So much so that I literally can't cry in front of people. The only time that I really can cry in front of someone is if I feel 100% comfortable around them. Other than that, it never happens. I'd like to explain to you why, but I really don't know why. I think it's possibly because I subconsciously feel like crying is a sign that you're weak--that you're breaking down. And I was raised to always keep it together. I was raised to be strong. When everything else is crashing down, I was raised to only focus on the good in life. Crying is pretty much the opposite of that. So maybe that's why.

7. I'm super afraid of losing my individuality. I just want to be different.

8. I'm afraid of not meeting other people's expectations. I don't think this one really needs an explanation.

9. I'm afraid of letting people really get to know me. It's not because I'm self conscious about myself or anything. I just feel like when I show people the real me, I automatically become more fragile and exposed. I feel like I can get hurt a lot easier if someone knows who I really am. That thought scares me.

I hope you still consider me a brave person. If not, refer to the first paragraph (remember the part how I can sleep without a nightlight?).

I found a quote the other day by Eleanor Roosevelt that says, "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do." I think real bravery doesn't mean that you are unafraid. I think that bravery means that you were afraid, but you did it anyways. It means that you did it in spite of that fear. That's partially the reason why I'm telling you these things. A) because it's kind of going against fear #9 and B) because writing them down helps me to realize why, and helps me to get over my fears. Because eventually, I'm planning on being fearless. If you're fearless, you have nothing holding you back. And I plan on going places in life.

Dear Diary

I have two super important things to tell you!! Which is great because usually I just make up something unimportant... just for the sake of blogging. But not today!

Journal entry blogging: yeah, it's about to happen.

First off, you're reading the blog of a national champion. My team and I? We just owwwned nationals in California this past weekend. It was SO much fun. I really, really like winning. Just in case you were wondering. So if you'd like to see it, here's the link. We kind of rocked it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFjkDoT80J8

I'm the one on top, 2nd from the right in the middle stunt sequence.

Anyway, on to another extra important topic. Tim and I kissed. That's all.

Needless to say, it's been a good week.

Anyway. That's all I had to say.

#kbye

P.S. Hunger Games, was soo great. It was so good that even though every one is obsessing over it, I can still admit that I loved it just as much, if not more, than those people. Maybe my phobia of losing my originality is fading... (double ps, we all know you love Peeta, no need to post it all over facebook)

Prank.

I'm kind of currently on the hunt for the perfect practical joke. Why? Because I wish I was sneaky and witty and clever enough to come up with something that people will laugh about for years to come. Okay maybe not years, but I'm dreaming big here. I'm a little bit at a loss right now, so that's what's putting a real damper on my life currently.
Feel free to make any suggestions to help me on my way to prank-genius level. Thanks :)

Loveforever: jess

Tweeter

I'm a tweeter now I suppose. That's really all there is to it.

But here's the thing. I don't really like it... It's kind of boring and confusing.

So what's the big hype about twitter everyone? Why is it so cool? Because so far, the only thing I'm really enjoying are the hashtags #itswayfun #butletsbehonest #idontreallygetit

Also, I lost respect for Carmelo Anthony after I read some of his tweets... (I don't appreciate your "I told you so"s guys)

Double also, newsflash people: twitter isn't that fun. #sorrytobreakittoya

Kbye. #deuces

Lady-Like

So I'd like to tell you a little secret. Sometimes when I find pictures that I like or have something to say about, I'll save it to a folder on my computer. This way, when I don't have anything to blog about, I can just browse that little folder and voila! I don't have to skip a day. Well it's been so long since I've looked in it, I had forgotten I had this picture. So I'll bring it out of it's 3 month hibernation to show you.

It's called class. Let's try to find it within ourselves kay? A little less Snookie and a little more Aubrey Hepburn, please. I'd really appreciate that. 

Short and sweet :) 

kthanksbye. 

Looking Ahead

Sometimes I just look ahead and get so so excited.

Yay for the future!! Top 2012 exciting things??

1. Competition. Let's get real here. I'm a big fan of showing off, and let me tell you something. We. Are. Legit. So any time I can show what I got and win some trophies and stuff, I'm down. So pretty much next Tuesday when we preform for our family and friends, next Friday when we preform for the cougarettes, and most of all, we compete in exactly 2 weeks!!!!!!! I may or may not be way too excited for it. Because we've got game. And we're ready to kill it :)

2. Disneyland!!!! in a week and 5 days! I love Disneyland more than anything on this earth. And I haven't been there since last year. So you could say I'm a little anxious to go back.

3. School literally ends in like a month and a half. Straight up. Which means, SUMMER!!!! I love me some summer.

4. I'm gonna be 19 in like a month and 6 days. If I was a boy, I'd be going on a mission. But I'm not so I just get to stay home and write people and stuff.

5. I'll be almost done (like 3 credits away) with all of my generals at the end of this year. My 5 year plan is going along quite nicely right about now :)

6. Holland. I get to watch her grow up and stuff. Nothing better than that sweet little bundle of joy. Bittersweet watching her grow up.

7. I won't ever have to live at Heritage again! Yay for not exploding sinks and stuff.

8. Tryouts. They stress me out, but I think it's important to remember the feeling that they give you because you only get to do it so many times. And after those times are gone, you won't get that anymore. So cherish those butterflystomach-exciting-nervous-i'mgonnapuke-waittime-giveityourall-showthemwhatyou'vegot-ohmygoshmyname'sonthelist feelings. They're kind of the best/worst.

9. Summer jobs. I like earning money. It makes me feel like a big kid.

10. Seeing my besties in the summer! Can't wait to go to my home ward and sit by my girl McKell. Can't wait to drive in the Alpine Country Club to pick up my bfpaf, Mindy so we can party forever. Can't wait to just be able to sit and talk with my mom and dad without needing to be back by a certain time. Can't wait to chill at Steph and Caleb's and watch PLL with Steph and Sports Center with Caleb for as long as I want. And hold that precious little baby. Can't wait to shoot some hoops with my little brothers, or splash in the pool with them, or smoke them in super smash. I can't wait to skype Lexy from a few states over because I sort of miss skyping people. Also, I might go visit her! sickee. I can't wait to visit Anna and Brenna and jump in our pool down there:)

11. Football season. Work weeks. Summer appearances. Cheer.

So 2012 sound pretty great to me right about now. Pretty much everything sound great to me right about now. #optimistic #sunnyday #lovinlife

#bye.

Friends?

Ladies and Gents,

If you would kindly direct your attention over to the archive of this blog for me, I'd like to point something out. January has 31 days in it... I posted 13 times. February has 29 days in it... I posted 4 times. I'm really good at this blogging thing. But don't worry about it. It's now March. Which gives me a brand new month to start over. Another day, another dollar right? (I think that's the phrase...although I'm not entirely sure it means what I want it to mean right now, so let's just pretend k?) So I will try to be better.

Anyways, I'd like to point out a trend in my life that I'm not loving right now. I'm about to tell you about my love life, and this is definitely not usual so a) don't get used to it; and b) don't judge. That's the reason I get nervous to tell people about things in the first place... that and the fact that every time I tell something to someone, everything gets all messed up and stuff. If you agree to these terms, you may read on.

One word. Friends. I get caught between two friends ALL. the. time. And I honestly don't have one clue how or why it happens. If you have any ideas, let me know, because it would save me a lot of trouble.

Exhibit A. A and C. (Full names concealed for security purposes) The least serious of the cases. So I was dating A. These two were bffs. C asked me on a date. I asked A if it was okay. He said yes. I thought, "Cool, it's just a fun date with a friend, A doesn't care." He broke up with me a week later. And later he told me it was because he was upset about C "moving in on his girl." Cool.

Exhibit B. C and B (not to be confused with the first C) They were my best friends forever my senior year of high school. They're also each other's best friends since they were little. We always joked about loving each other. Obviously, neither of them did anything about it because they didn't want to ruin our little trio friendship. It was all fun and games until they started getting serious. Not gonna lie, I didn't mind either of them doing that but when best friends are doing it behind the other best friend's back, it gets a little sketchy. Then all of the sudden, B started more than ever. Then randomly, C put me on a rock and kissed me. B backed off. Then C liked some other chick so he backed off too. Double cool.

Exhibit C. Last but not least. J and S. I liked J. So I hung out with them a lot. J liked this girl. I got jealous one night and let S move in a little more than he should... S kissed me. Unexpected. I finally got that mess all cleaned up. I still liked J after, but I'm officially off limits for him now. Those actual words came out of his mouth. Super cool.

So as you can see, I have a problem. One day I just hope I can find a man who wants me, and his best friend doesn't. That'd be fun.

...

Just thought you should know.